Oompa loompa doompety doo
It’s time for another best friends review
Oompa loompa doompety daw
The movie Wonka was the one that we saw
(all opinions are our own)
PARKER:
I’m going to start with an unpopular opinion. I hate prequels. Especially speculative prequels that aren’t based in canon. It really, to use a Paw Print term, grinds my gears. If you’re going to produce a third movie about everyone’s favorite murderous chocolatier/amateur singer-songwriter, why not use the actual, written sequel that is just as quirky, inane, and heartwarming as the first? But I digress. Wonka, despite being a prequel, was not terrible- it just wasn’t good either. Let’s begin.
We’ll start off with the positives. For one, Timothée Chalamet. Now, I am not a Timothée Chalamet stan, not unless we’re talking about Little Women 2019 (in which case I proudly worship at Jo and Laurie’s altar). But in this movie, Timothée was great, and by that I mean he was super weird. It was just as God (or Roald Dahl) intended. Visually, the movie was stunning as well. We saw some beautiful costumes, filmography, and an eclectic but well-integrated CGI set up. Even still, the faults of the movie overshadowed the strengths, leaving me simultaneously wanting more and just wanting to leave.
Now, the negatives, which begin with the music. Contrary to most, I don’t mind a musical. In fact, I think that some are extremely well done (cough, The Greatest Showman, cough). But Wonka’s songs and lyrics just suck. They’re giving third grader with access to rhymezone.com, but imagine the third grader was Picasso-level insane. Shockingly, the songs aren’t even the worst part of the movie. I can actually get over having a full number dedicated to noodle rhymes, but what I can’t watch is the blatant disregard of the source material. They did my man Roald Dahl DIRTY in this movie. It connects to my opening gripe about speculative prequels: they allow for conjectures that go against what was said in the novel. For instance, the heavy themes of imperialism set up in the original books were completely ignored, and Wonka’s eccentric friends were just dropped by the end of the movie, clearly cash grabs for a “found family” aesthetic. Even small things, like the setting, were terribly misunderstood. The whole point of magical realism is that it takes place in the real world. The warnings of monopolies, corporate espionage, and privilege need to be set against the backdrop of places that we know. Instead, the movie leans too far into the magical and departs from anything relatable, completely stomping on the themes that are so artfully represented in the books and other adaptations.
Look, I’m not a hater. The movie was enjoyable on an objective level. But Roald Dahl has plenty of great books that are better suited for the screen. We have, quite frankly, too many Willy Wonka themed movies, and this one felt not only redundant but fanfiction-y. Basically, it was pointless. 2/5
CARTER:
I love prequels. Especially the ones that don’t go off any previously established canon. You know what’s gonna happen in a movie based on a book, so you’re gonna be bored. And if you aren’t bored, you’re angry that the director didn’t follow the book. With speculative prequels, neither of those issues exist. You don’t know what’s gonna happen, and who cares what the director does, it’s his movie.
The first song was really fun. Wonka explains that he has 12 sovereigns to make it in the city as a chocolate maker. Throughout the song, Willy is put in ridiculous situations which cost him sovereigns, eventually leaving him moneyless and homeless.
This opens Willy up to the manipulation of Scrubbit and Bleacher. Since it is so cold Willy agrees to stay the night at Ms. Scrubbits. In return, he will owe one sovereign the next day.
I will note at this point I was a little bit confused about how much a sovereign was worth, since one sovereign is apparently good for: shoe shining, one night of housing, a piece of chocolate (however it was expressed that this was really cheap for chocolate, so in this universe does everyone regularly pay more for their chocolate then their housing??), and one third of a pumpkin.
Willy probably should have realized something was up when the contract to stay one night was about 200 pages long, but he signed it anyway. The next day, Willy meets the three villains. After seeing fresh competition right outside their chocolate shops, Slugworth, Prodnose, and Fickelgruber, go out to try Wonka’s hover chocs. After clearly enjoying themselves, the villains go on to publicly claim that the hover chocs are by far the worst chocolate they’ve ever had.
After being condemned to 20 years doing laundry, Wonka begins to move in the sewers in secret to disperse chocolate, but who wants to eat sewer chocolate?
At this point, the “chocolate cartel” bribes the police chief with thousands of chocolates (leading to a quite noticeable increase in weight) to take down Wonka. Obviously Wonka wins.
The whole plan to take down Wonka actually made no sense on the Chocolate Cartels points. From our perspective, yes, Wonka is clearly a man of integrity (he won’t even steal a carton of milk), but for god’s sake the cartel doesn’t know that. Just put yourself in their shoes for one second. You’re a member of the chocolate cartel and you get all of your money and influence from selling mediocre chocolate. A better chocolate maker comes around who just about everyone wants to buy from. You could either: a) kill him or b) hire him to make you chocolate. WHY wouldn’t they try bribing Wonka? Sure, it wouldn’t work, but it was pretty dang dumb not to try.
Despite that clear plot hole and the lack of clarity in the value of a sovereign, the movie was amazing. It’s a heartfelt film about found family, and honestly it’s just a fun movie. 4.5/5
