I have always been a person who can’t make a decision for myself. I have always needed a second opinion or else I never felt my decision was the correct one. Whether it is about what to eat, wear, who to be friends with, or what to do, I always needed a second opinion. My needing a second opinion slowly turned into me needing everything decided for and not listening to myself. I have always let other people’s thoughts or opinions become more important and outweigh mine. Even this column has taken me so long to start because I couldn’t figure out what to write about where other people agreed and liked my idea.
Having a lack of opinion has caused several issues. I struggled with keeping friends or ever having a friend group. I always had different types of friends, those from cheer, work and school. I have several close friends from this, but they aren’t friends. I would let the opinion of one person affect my perspective on another person. Why should I care about what they say, it’s my friend anyway not theirs. I would hear something from one person and automatically agree with them. This was a trend for everyone I talked to. I would never be myself or have my personality around people. I wish I would’ve realized this earlier. Maybe I would’ve kept my best friends from middle school or realized I don’t need to try to impress someone just for them to “be friends” with me.
In the past year, I have realized my problem with valuing others’ opinions over my own. I haven’t completely stopped listening to people, but I have stood my ground more. One recent example would be making my college decision. Since I was a kid, I loved Ohio State University, as many Ohioans do. I toured there with my OSU super fan grandpa and had a great time. My second option was Kent State University, I toured it and really liked the campus and what they have to offer for their students. In the end, I wanted to go to OSU and decision day finally came. Waitlisted. My first thought was that I disappointed everyone, I couldn’t even think of my own feelings first. All I could think of was what other people would say. I was upset over this, but I thought I would’ve been more heartbroken. Before I even heard back from them, Kent was in the back of my mind. I have a close distance away and I will be saving myself from a lot of debt. Many people told me I should wait to hear back from OSU the second time or when I committed to Kent, someone even told me that was a mistake and I’ll hate it. This stuck with me. Will I hate it? Are they right? For weeks I just kept thinking, maybe I should wait to hear from OSU. My friends are going there and I want to make my grandparents proud. In the end, no one really cares that much. I am so excited to go to Kent, I met an amazing roommate, my family is proud of me no matter what, and even happier that I’ll be close. I’m thankful that I finally listened to myself for once.
I don’t know where my struggle to hear my own voice came from. Might’ve been from my house where I try to never disappoint my parents. Maybe from school, where I constantly feel embarrassed or ashamed of how I perform in a class. Or maybe even from cheer, where I am a good enough cheerleader to be listened to, just not the best where I can be agreed with. Since I was a kid, I always let other people’s opinions be the right answer. It could be about something that I don’t agree with, but I will say I agree or that it is a good idea. If you don’t like this person, I agree even though I have never met them. You said they did this to you even though I thought the situation went another way, I’ll agree with you and lose my best friend. You don’t talk to many other people or are rude about people, guess I am too even though I don’t think that’s kind. I will agree and forget my own opinions so that way no one is disappointed by me.
Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Don’t let other people’s opinions or judgment overrule your own opinions and thoughts. Be around the people you want to be with. Go to the college that you want to be at. Don’t be influenced to do something you don’t think is smart. Just listen to yourself and do what you want to do.