Everyone has seen at least one of them on the road at this point: the big, boxy, angular vehicles that seem to be the prime choice for every real estate developer and crypto investor you know or see online. Regardless of how you feel about Elon Musk’s newest Tesla vehicle release, the Cybertruck, one thing cannot be denied: it is attention grabbing. You’ll almost always catch it out of the corner of your eye if it’s on the road, and your little brother or your grandma might think it’s the coolest (or dumbest) thing they’ve ever seen.
With that said, before I tear apart this glorified triangle for being the most utterly terrifying, dangerous, dystopian excuse for a vehicle the likes of which this country has ever seen thus far, I will give it some impartiality so as to not be biased.
Obviously the most significant appeal of this thing is the technical features and abilities, and to give it some credit, it does boast some pretty impressive stats for a truck of its size and weight. Some of the highlights include a ridiculous 2.3 second 0-60 mph making it one of the fastest production trucks on the market, electronic suspension lift control with waterproof capabilities up to 3ft, four wheel steering, a 40 amp 240 volt circuit that is capable of charging another EV, bulletproof(up to 9mm) and explosive proof(tested with C4) plated body panels, 863 lb/ft of torque, and a fully modular differential locking system as well as drivetrain control.
Now, with the pros out of the way I can dissect this DIY dumpster fire on wheels. Time for the really fun stuff. This car is a ticking time bomb. I genuinely cannot find the words to do this fact justice, so I’m just going to state the statistics and let you determine for yourself whether this vehicle is safe and legal to be on public roads. There have been five factory recalls since release, all of which are catastrophically dangerous, consisting of an eventual total windshield wiper failure, body panels falling off while driving, total backup cam failure, screen malfunctions, as well as, I kid you not, the accelerator(gas pedal) locking at 100% throttle under the cheap plastic interior trim (also shown the accelerator will snap off if kicked or hit). It gets so much worse, and I’d be using foul language if this wasn’t a school newspaper article.
The Tesla company straight up is lying and denying to address critical life threatening issues with this vehicle. YouTuber WhistlinDiesel has infamously done two separate durability tests of the Cybertruck, most famously revealing that the towing capacity advertised was a complete lie as the steel bumper tube that houses the tow mount was bolted onto a weak cast aluminium frame, causing the frame to snap and essentially totaling the vehicle (confirmed by 2+ other Cybertruck owners not conducting tests, simply using the hitch to tow causing accidents.). In the second test, WhistlinDiesel showed that the teeth of the CV axle connection to the wheel hub could strip with minimal wear from acceleration. These critical design flaws have been ignored by Tesla and owner Elon Musk to this day, despite comments about them filling numerous Tesla and Musk account posts. It keeps going.
On road accidents and crash tests show absolutely zero crumple zones on the car (industry standard to equalize force during accidents and reduce death or injury), saving the Cybertruck while mutilating any other vehicles involved, but only at the cost of transferring the full impact force to the passengers of both vehicles. The build quality and design decisions are on par with a car from Temu. The trim and exterior pieces use velcro, duct tape, and superglue to hold together parts. The exterior panels are already starting to rust. Error messages render the vehicle unuseable when still functional. There are no sensors in the windows or trunk lid for fingers, and they will cut or snap them. The headlights are dangerous and easily obscured in snow. The interior door panels break and fall off when slammed. The steer by wire makes the car unsteerable if dead or damaged. The repair costs are nearly triple that of average. You need an app to use it.
And if all of that STILL wasn’t enough to convince you that this car is a danger to everyone who owns one or is unlucky enough to encounter one on the road: Here’s the final kicker. Every single safety test and guarantee on this vehicle has been conducted and confirmed by TESLA THEMSELVES. Everything has been handled internally. There has been ZERO federal oversight over the truck’s safety, which has made it so that it cannot be sold or driven in the European market. How did we reach a point where a vehicle with so many risks can still be driven on public roads? What has gone wrong with our regulatory systems and consumer standards? The Cybertruck may be futuristic in appearance, but its disregard for safety feels like a huge step back in terms of safety and general build quality.
