Throughout my freshman year, I overcame my struggle with my poor mental health. While being stuck inside due to the Covid-19 pandemic, being around my parents was one of the hardest experiences I have ever overcome. My mom and stepdad both struggled with extreme substance abuse. Living with my struggling parents led me to fall into depression; the environment created an unhealthy mindset within me. Without experiencing mental health issues before, I was really worried about what was to come, and I couldn’t understand why things at home happened the way they did. Constantly, I felt guilty as maybe I was the reason why so many issues and problems occurred.

During this time, I made extremely poor decisions, pushing those who cared most away from me. Early in my childhood, I never really determined what my religion would be. My mom never introduced me to a pathway of religion along with my dad. I had gone to church a couple of times before with my Grandma, “Gome”, but I never really understood what church was about, yet it brought me joy. When my parents were struggling with alcoholism, I thought of selling my soul to the Devil yet Gome saved me when she brought God into my life. When my parents came to conflict the most, I was constantly angry and frustrated with what was surrounding me.

I felt as if I had nowhere to vent and that there was no help available to me. After getting into trouble very regularly at school, Gome came to pick me up and drove me to where my dad lived. She wasn’t angry, she wasn’t yelling, and she didn’t raise her voice. For the first time in what I felt like my whole life, she listened to me. She heard what I said and comforted me in every way she could. I never had anyone treat me like making a bad mistake was just a bump in the road. I had always thought if I started to make bad decisions it would not hurt to just keep making them. After becoming really close with Gome, I realized how she introduced the world so much differently to me. She had so many friends, was always happy. I never really understood how the universe gave her so much joy and treated her so well. I realized after a while that her closest relationship was with God. After she had given me advice on how to communicate to my parents, she told me the best thing I could do was to expand my relationship with God.

In November of 2021, Gome passed away; I felt like my entire world shattered. I had finally been given someone to help me through a time I struggled the most and they were taken away from me. I was introduced to grief for the first time in my life; it’s something unexplainable. Losing Gome created a new normal to me and eventually lead to creating growth. I started believing everything in this time period of my life was happening in just the way God wanted to. God had sent my dependent away from me and opened up so much more. I now felt like my new reliance was God. I learned during this time, the best dependent you can have is God.

The upcoming summer I went to work at a camp owned by my church, Camp Wakonda. I stayed at this camp the entire summer and I had my first panic attack while I was away. I was stressed due to being away from my family for the first time in my life. I left my dad to himself for the first time since his mom passed away. After staying at this camp, I have been surrounded by only joy. I have felt so much happiness in the world sense given this experience, in my lifetime, if I could persuade anyone to do anything, it would be to put everything to the side and spend time getting closer to God.

Living on the road of God’s plan creates reassurance for myself knowing that I am always protected from what’s happening around me. Even if there is not someone physically doing anything, there is something happening spiritually. Being in high school is so scary with substances being all around us; I have always been scared of creating a life for myself in the future that I do not want. Peer pressure is everywhere and for me and millions of others, addiction is hereditary. I thank God everyday for being my dependent and my right hand man when I needed him the most. I have learned through the 16 years that I have lived to always have strength through weakness during the times I struggle the most.